•°¯'•• 🎀 ...𝒜𝓃𝒹 𝐼𝓉 𝒲𝒶𝓈 𝐸𝓃𝒸𝒽𝒶𝓃𝓉𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝓉💞 𝑀𝑒𝑒𝓉 𝒴🌞𝓊 🎀 ••'¯°•

𝕊𝕠𝕟𝕘 𝕚𝕟𝕤𝕡𝕠𝕤: ᴛʜᴇ ᴘʟᴀʏꜰᴜʟ ᴄᴏɴᴠᴇʀꜱᴀᴛɪᴏɴ ꜱᴛᴀʀᴛꜱ ᴄᴏᴜɴᴛᴇʀ ᴀʟʟ ʏᴏᴜʀ Qᴜɪᴄᴋ ʀᴇᴍᴀʀᴋꜱ, ʟɪᴋᴇ ᴘᴀꜱꜱɪɴɢ ɴᴏᴛᴇꜱ ɪɴ ꜱᴇᴄʀᴇᴄʏᴀɴᴅ ɪᴛ ᴡᴀꜱ ᴇɴᴄʜᴀɴᴛɪɴɢ ᴛᴏ ᴍᴇᴇᴛ ʏᴏᴜ. ᴀʟʟ ɪ ᴄᴀɴ ꜱᴀʏ ɪꜱ ɪ ᴡᴀꜱ ᴇɴᴄʜᴀɴᴛᴇᴅ ᴛᴏ ᴍᴇᴇᴛ ʏᴏᴜ.

"𝓔𝓷𝓬𝓱𝓪𝓷𝓽𝓮𝓭" 𝓢𝓸𝓷𝓰𝔀𝓻𝓲𝓽𝓮𝓻: 𝓣𝓪𝔂𝓵𝓸𝓻 𝓢𝔀𝓲𝓯𝓽

Time: September 13, 2019

Dream: Hi, I'm Katherine and I'm an addict.

This is the part where you say hi Katherine. And I smile awkwardly as I tell you, a stranger, about my issues and why I know I'm an addict.

I enjoy the "high" of falling in love or at least I did. I still don't know if I do. If you're reading this I truly don't know.

For me, this "high" I get from imagining romantic scenarios about someone for what feels like an eternity is my version of ecstasy. I get this bubbly little girl feeling of excitement in my stomach when he (my new victim) enters a room.

Do you remember the feeling when you first noticed some people were attractive. Their jaw line, muscles, or eyes became triggers; one minute you're watching a movie mindlessly, then you zone in on that one actor that is so attractive then the bubbles in your stomach. I don't know how else to describe what getting turned on is like. Spotting a pleasantly-featured human in person you couldn't help but fantasize about laying in their arms. It happened to me in the fourth grade. My best friend Peter all the sudden didn't seem so repugnant. I got nervous around him, overthought every interaction, and when I went over to his house to play video games all I wanted to do was lean back in his chest as we played Halo. Since then I don't understand how guys and girls can just be friends. It's walking on a tightrope, trying not to "catch" feelings. You have to play this sort of tango of holding back your gazes, trying not to let [I love you]'s slip out when you're talking about soccer.

But anyway, my newest subject Dylan Matthews. He's super tall, rugged sort of charm, witty, tall like 6 foot 4 (193.04 cm) and ultimately charismatic, but did I mention that he's super tall. I heard rumors about his comedic charisma, chill attitude and rugged good looks. I don't care for looks, but Dylan was easy on the eyes. Watching Dylan as he strut with a sexy stride of confidence all I can think is how I would love to smack his ass. His ass is so tight; I would probably spank him 20 times at least if I ever had the chance (and consent). I could tell Dylan is the type that is into that kind of stuff. He just sits behind the teacher looking so irresistible, jerking his head back then running his fingers through his hair. I wonder if some guys are aware of their ability to mess with a girl's mind. Does he know he's messing with my head, like a brain surgeon in a lobotomy?

Awake: My head slowly fell forward and jolted me awake; I looked at Dylan. And for the love of God he was looking back at me. I'm in class daydreaming, sue me. But now my professor thinks it's okay to harass me. 

     Caligari: Hmm, Miss...(he scans down the class seating chart)...Katherine Monamour, wanna rejoin the class from whatever far off land your head just went.

     Katherine: I think if my head went far off, I would need to go to the hospital.

     Caligari: It's that kind of quick wit that I wonder why you're not doing that well in my class.

     Katherine: In a class where everyone is failing you need to redefine your expectation of "well".

     Caligari: Well, answer me this question; What is the element of film that means "staging an action."? It consists of everything we see in the film frame and the ARRANGEMENT of these elements within the frame.

I had absolutely no idea what the answer was, but out of the corner of my eye Dylan was holding his notebook. It said Mise-en-scene. Logically this lead me to say...

    Katherine: Mise-en-scene.

     Caligari: Great job, but I would prefer if my TA's did not help my students out of the hole the dug themselves. 

As he continued with the class, I couldn't help but keep thinking about my knight in shining armor. How should I reward him—no, I'm not thinking about sleeping with my film TA—uh, weird, but is he thinking about sleeping with me? I wonder what caused him to want to help me out. Does he know I'm mindlessly daydreaming about him? All this daydreaming about him feeds my imagination with fantasies that will never happen. Of course, I think he's thinking about me because he's all I think about during this class.

Can I just go to Psych so I can see Misoa? She's another crush I have my eye on. I find that if I have enough crushes a few of them are bound to like me sooner or later. Thinking about my crushes keeps the edge off. But, no matter how much I think about my crushes, it isn't enough. I try to escape the endless list of problems I have. What once was a breath of fresh air is a never-ending nightmare. My parents only want me to conform and the pressure of life is suffocating. With every passing day, I find myself with more tasks and no time to enjoy myself. Even though it may be foolish, I'm still a hopeless romantic and I can't seem to move on. I don't think I want to. I think the ultimate penalty for my mindless fornication is to die a helpless romantic.

PART TWO:  That was the very first page

Someday I'll look back on the first time we talked and being seduced by his charm. He's a little awkward at first but everyone has their flaws. 

My friend Julius walked up to me, and I think if he knew what was going to happen, he would've never introduced us.

Julius: Hey, Kat. This is my new friend Dylan...

He said standing next to the giant, that is Dylan. (Did I mention he freaking tall. Do I like him because he's cute or because he's tall? that is a question every girl asks herself about dating tall men.) 

It all just happened when I was sitting in the café minding my business. I was watching some PewDiePie on my computer. I shut my computer real fast, because pewdiepie cringe, and took out my earphones. 

Dylan: Hey.

How does Julius seem to know everyone on campus? He's hotter up close, Oh God he's looking at me. Uhh, what do I do? Do I smile, laugh, wink, why is my brain malfunctioning? As if I've never been around a hot guy before. ALright, I guess I just stick my hand out and maybe he'll shake it.

Katherine: Hi, nice to meet you Dylan. I'm Katherine.

I stick my hand out.

Dylan: Oh wow, it's nice to meet you too.

He puts down his drink and shook my hand, and I got a bit enthusiastic.  

I had to interact and what's a better conversation starter than asking my TA if I recognize him. 

Katherine: Have I seen you before?

What type of dumb ass question is that? Of course, I've seen him before, he's my goddam ta duhh!

Dylan: Yeah, I'm one of the TA's in your film study class.

Katherine: Oh yeah, I thought you looked familiar.

Julius: Great, so you two can get to know each other, I'm gonna go talk that hottie over there. Just wait for me for a sec.

Katherine & Dylan: Okay

Julius abandons me in the worst possible circumstance— Shit now we're alone. What are we supposed to talk about?

Dylan: SO,I notice you daydream in class a lot.

Katherine: Excuse me, what! I wasn't daydreaming in class

Dylan: It's okay, we all like to doze off every once in a while.

Katherine: No, I was thinking really hard and somehow started missing what we were talking about in class.

Dylan: Ha, so literally the definition of daydreaming.

Katherine: Great, you caught me. Is dreaming in class a crime now? sue me.

Dylan: Yeah, you're under arrest and going to jail.

Katherine: Is that the best line you can do? Or do you just really want to see me in handcuffs?

Fukc, I got too comfortable... Not me being my over-sexual self.

Dylan: Well umm.

Katherine: Oh, wait that's not what I meant.

Dylan: Oh yeah, I didn't think... you... mean... that... either?

He scratches his head and turns to look away from me. It's official: he thinks I am crazy. 

Katherine: But anyway, I'm pretty sure half of us in class aren't paying attention.

Dylan: Trust me it's not a surprise, but that's what people do in their first year of college. Dr. Caligari is pretty boring, but that's what you do when you go to school like this. That's why Caligari has me help the students who are slacking in his class, or start daydreaming.

This could be my chance to really get to know Dylan. He can help me with some assignment, and we'll get off topic talking about ...I don't know... love.

Katherine: Well, hey if you think I'm slacking.

Dylan: Well, I specifically remember reading your film analysis; it could use a little work.

Katherine: Wait, what have I got to work on. I got an A- , how can my essay use a little work?

Dylan: Well, your analysis of Alfred Hitchcock's Psycho was great, but you overanalyze certain parts.

Katherine: It's an analysis; how can I overanalyze?

Where does this dude get off. I'm just trying to make small talk and he wants to rip me to shreds.

Dylan: By somehow coming to the conclusion the main theme of the movie is 'Murder is passion'.

Now he's done it. I gave perfect evidence for why Norman Bates killed those people because of his underlying showing of passion. Yes, he's a serial killer, but that doesn't mean he has no feelings or no motive.

Katherine: I don't see anything wrong with my opinion. I provided evidence.

Dylan: You provided loose strings to a thin argument and your writing can use some work.

The only reason my writing tends to be not so great is because I'm dyslexic, okay, sue me.

Katherine: You brutally insult my paper and expect me to take your help graciously.

Dylan: Actually, I hoped we could come to a sort of trade agreement. I could use your help with calculus and you could use my help with film analysis. I suck at math.

Katherine: You could've just asked for my help.

Is this one of the moments where a guy tries to be mean to a girl because he likes her. I've had my fair share of brutal critics as lovers.

Dylan: I'm sorry, I just didn't know how to bring it up. You must think I'm a loser for being a senior and asking a sophomore for help, but I heard you're the best.

Katherine: Well, when you say it like that... I guess I can make some time.

Dylan: Okay, well here's my...

As Dylan tried to take out his card from his back pocket a condom fell out. We both tensed up and did not know what to do. I played it cool and looked up at the ceiling as he bent down quick to pick it up.

He handed me a piece of paper with his number on it.

Dylan: So, you can just call or text me with a time we can meet up.

Katherine: Yeah, sure

I wonder why he didn't just type it into my phone. Dylan Matthews is just a different breed of man.

He rushed off in a hurry. I could tell he was embarrassed by the whole situation.

I should've been more supportive, like haha that's not a condom, it's a deflated balloon animal, right. I instantly regretted it. He walked away, maybe I should stop him, if I could just swallow and speak my mind for once. But I just sat in my chair and kept watching PewDiePie.